Time to get motivated

Well hey there! The days that I dreaded the most are just around the corner and I’m honestly not ready. As far as I know, chemotherapy isn’t something you can really prepare for. You just have to suck it up and let those drugs take over your body. Chemo is such a common treatment around here, so when the doctors talk to you about it they’re straight to the point. “You won’t feel good, you’ll most likely throw up, you’ll have zero defense, and finally you’ll probably need to be on nutritional support” we’re the words that came out of my doctor’s voice on Friday. Now how am I supposed to get excited with all that! I feel like running away instead, but we all know that’s not a possibility…

If you haven’t read my previous posts, I will be doing chemo for the next four or so months. I’ll be getting chemo 5 days out of the month, first 3 days will be chemo and the next 2 days will be stem cell injections and recovery. If I feel okay, I’ll get to leave the hospital by the end of day 5. So from what I’ve heard, the 3 chemo drugs that I’m getting are pretty strong. I would give you the names of the drugs if they weren’t 20 letters long. Okay, I exaggerated a little, but still, they’re pretty long words. Because these drugs are so strong, they’ve been testing me left and right…Pulmonary exams, Heart ultrasounds (weird huh, I got to see and hear my heart…It’s pretty), Chest X-rays, and the list continues… Nothing has really been painful except for the spinal tap I got on Friday. It’s the second one I’ve had since I’ve been at St. Jude and I don’t know if my body is just used to needles now, but it wasn’t really all that bad.

The spinal tap is just a standard exam they give Medulloblastoma patients to check if any cancerous cells have spread to the spinal fluid. The needle they stick in your back looks and works like a straw. The needle gets injected in the lower spine and your spinal fluid drips out of the needle and into a testing tube. I got to see my spinal fluid before leaving and it’s clear like water. It’s amazing how much stuff we have in our body that we’re not aware of.

I haven’t received my results for any of my exams done on Friday, but I’m hoping that tomorrow Monday I receive results for my MRI brain, MRI spine, and Spinal Tap. Crossing my fingers and praying hard for good news ☺

So before starting chemotherapy, I have to have a small surgery. Don’t freak out yet…It’s not a brain surgery, but a line-placing surgery. There are some chemo’s that are pill-form, but most chemo’s are liquid drugs that have to be injected through a central line placed in your body. Unfortunately, my drugs are all liquids so I have to get a line…darn! It just doesn’t get any easier does it? Well the good thing about a line is that it’s convenient. Blood can be drawl from the line and medicine can be injected through the line. So that means…No more needles! YAY me! After 20,000 pricks I can finally say I’m FREEEEE! Okay so I exaggerated again, but there have been at least 25 needle sticks in the past 3 months, so I believe I have the right to exaggerate.☺

Plans are to have my line placed on Tuesday or Wednesday and go inpatient on Friday. I have to stay in the hospital all five days of chemo in case I get an infection or just need immediate help. I’ll go in on Friday to begin with hydration. If all looks good, I’ll start chemo Saturday morning. Wish me the best of luck! Keep the prayers coming. My goal is to make it past this 1st chemo, because apparently round 1 is the hardest. While I’m in the hospital, I’ll try my best to give updates. This will all be dependent on whether I’m feeling good or not. I’m sure you guys understand.

On another note, I’ve been feeling pretty darn good! Thank you Jesus! I’m happy to be back in Memphis, because I know I’m one step closer to being done with this crazy dream. I won’t refer to it as a nightmare anymore, because I’ve had many good experiences here at St. Jude. I’ve met children and parents that have changed my life forever. I’ve learned valuable lessons on life that I know will help me become a better person. Life isn’t all about fun and games…Life is life and you only have one chance to live it right. God has beautiful lives planned out for all of us, and we have to let him take control of our lives in order for us to find true happiness. In my case, many think that my life is full of sadness and worries and that God messed up somewhere, but I think differently. My life is better than ever and I believe that God knew exactly what he was doing when he created me. God wanted me to be special and close to him. He wanted me to fight through this battle to inspire special individuals like me who feel defeated by this disease. In my opinion, I don’t think cancer is a disease. It becomes a disease when you’re not willing to fight. If you’re special like me and you’re reading this, I hope your fighting like a champ! Don’t give up EVER!

Hope this touches you in someway to help and inspire some special individual out there like me…